shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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