I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
