Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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