she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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