she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so much tequila, so little girl.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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