Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
