She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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