Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
