i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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