Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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