just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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