And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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