when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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