So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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