i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think I am morally bankrupt
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
