So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
