Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
