i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize