He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
