new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize