I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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