Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I did not marry a roomba.
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