so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
