Can i not drive my cunt home
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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