Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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