I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
