Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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