he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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