My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
