he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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