Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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