3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
