If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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