Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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