She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
