my vag is so smooth its legendary
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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