turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize