A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
