some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
