A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
