Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
