i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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