So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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