I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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