that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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