go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
