he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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