I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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