dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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