people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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