R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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