He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
