How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
