May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
