Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
