I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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