If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
