Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
