Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
