I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
