went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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