I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so that wasnt chicken after all
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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