why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
