The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
