My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
