dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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