omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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