Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
