Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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