im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize